Understanding Relationship Styles

Relationship styles (also called attachment styles) are ways we have learned to interact with people in all types of relationships. Attachment styles are a natural behavioral response to a developmental environment and caregivers’ attunement to the child’s needs. While these attachment styles can affect all of our relationships, they often have the greatest impact on our romantic relationships.

If you’re interested in better understanding relationship styles through therapy with a knowledgeable professional, we hope you’ll consider contacting The Center for CBT in New York City. Our experienced relationship therapists can work with you to understand your own (or a romantic partner’s) attachment style, how it affects your relationship, and what you can do to adjust your relationship styles for more satisfying relationships.

What are Relationship Styles?

Since the idea of relationship or attachment styles was originally conceived, there have been numerous different iterations and definitions. Today, therapists typically describe four main relationship styles:

Secure attachment – those who have a secure attachment style have high levels of emotional intelligence, meaning they’re able to identify, process, and express emotions in healthy ways. They can give and receive emotional and physical expressions of intimacy easily. They can develop and maintain healthy boundaries. They can disagree and argue with a partner while still feeling deep love and connection. While they feel secure and fulfilled on their own, they derive pleasure from being in relationships.
Anxious-preoccupied attachment – individuals with this attachment style may be very worried in relationships, and they may have a difficult time processing relationship stresses (real and perceived) in healthy ways. They may have mood swings, feel possessive or jealous, automatically assume the worst about their partners, and feel like they are constantly working hard at relationships that keep failing. They have a tough time seeing the big picture, and their relationships are often filled with ambiguity and uncertainty.
Dismissive-avoidant attachment – this attachment style is very independent. They act as if they can take or leave a relationship, but they often avoid real intimacy because it makes them feel vulnerable. They seek freedom in relationships and often prioritize everything else in their lives over romantic partnerships. They may struggle to commit, and even after they commit, their own freedom is still a priority above the relationship.
Fearful-avoidant attachment – people with this attachment style often experienced loss, abandonment, or abuse in childhood. They may simultaneously long for intimacy and push people away to protect themselves out of fear from being hurt. This was a survival skill that worked in childhood, but it negatively impacts adult relationships. They often distrust their partners and may have difficulty communicating their needs.

How Does Therapy Help?

Many sources of potential distress in relationships can be alleviated with a little more self-awareness. By understanding your own attachment style, you can recognize the knee-jerk responses you make and start managing and processing your emotions without expecting your partner to do all the heavy lifting. Therapy can help you increase self-awareness and learn how your attachment style may negatively influence your relationships and how to change your behavior in the moment. Additionally, by understanding your loved one’s relationship style, you can recognize the patterns of feeling, behaving, and reacting they’re stuck in, so you can work on the best communication strategies to ensure your needs are met.

What Can I Expect During Therapy?

At your first therapy sessions, we’ll review your health history, past experience with mood changes,, past therapy experiences, current events that triggered you to reach out, and the goals you have for your time in therapy. Together, we’ll use this information to develop a therapy plan to learn strategies and tools that allow you to decrease current depressive symptoms and address future incidents of depressed mood. Throughout the course of your therapy sessions, your therapist will continually assess your progress and work with you to adjust your plan, ensuring you’re able to achieve your goals.

Who Offers Therapy for Understanding Relationship Styles?

Each of our clinicians has years of unique training and experience that allow them to provide therapy using specific approaches that work best for certain clients. Our clinicians who provide therapy for understanding relationship styles are featured below, and you can learn more about them by visiting our team page.

Dr Elizabeth Cohen

Stacey Rhodes

Lisa Kinel

Dana Viscosi

Grace Mannix-Slobig

Sabrina Manzo

Lynn Pescherine

What Should I Do Next?

When you’re ready to begin therapy, we hope you’ll consider contacting The Center for CBT in New York City. We offer a safe space where you are free to be who you really are and express yourself and your values authentically. We embrace, value, and welcome people of all sexual orientations, genders, and racial identities. The Center for CBT in New York City makes beginning your therapy journey simple. You can get started any time by completing our online consultation request form. One of our team members will be in touch within 24 business hours to answer your questions.