I hear this statement so often in my office: “I can’t ask for help with cleaning my house, because so many other people do that and work full time and raise kids? Why am I so NEEDY and incompetent that I cannot do it myself?”
I find that when deciding whether to ask for help we often start with the above question rather than these: How could it benefit me to get help? What else could I be doing with my time?
Because I struggle with this too I have come up with a strategy for myself. I put my hand on my heart, because that helps me feel more connected to my body, andI say, “Elizabeth, I know you COULD do this because you are strong, fierce and capable. You could if push came to shove, but you do not HAVE to.”
The reason this strategy works for me is because I need to be validated that I CAN do it before I chose to ask for help. I have previously gained a lot of perceived strength from being a martyr, and from doing it all. I need to validate my strength without being a martyr. This way I feel good and can move forward.
Do you struggle to ask for help? Give this strategy a try and let us know how it works for you in the comments.