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I Can Do it Myself, So Why Ask for Help?

I hear this statement so often in my office: “I can’t ask for help with cleaning my house, because so many other people do that and work full time and raise kids? Why am I so NEEDY and incompetent that I cannot do it myself?”

I find that when deciding whether to ask for help we often start with the above question rather than these: How could it benefit me to get help? What else could I be doing with my time?

Because I struggle with this too I have come up with a strategy for myself. I put my hand on my heart, because that helps me feel more connected to my body, andI say, “Elizabeth, I know you COULD do this because you are strong, fierce and capable. You could if push came to shove, but you do not HAVE to.”

The reason this strategy works for me is because I need to be validated that I CAN do it before I chose to ask for help. I have previously gained a lot of perceived strength from being a martyr, and from doing it all. I need to validate my strength without being a martyr. This way I feel good and can move forward.

Do you struggle to ask for help? Give this strategy a try and let us know how it works for you in the comments.

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What Should I Do Next?

When you’re ready to begin therapy, we hope you’ll consider contacting The Center for CBT in New York City. We offer a safe space where you are free to be who you really are and express yourself and your values authentically. We embrace, value, and welcome people of all sexual orientations, genders, and racial identities. The Center for CBT in New York City makes beginning your therapy journey simple. You can get started any time by completing our online consultation request form. One of our team members will be in touch within 24 business hours to answer your questions.

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