What if we changed the dialogue in our heads as parents? What if we threw our self recrimination out the window? What if we were truly on our own side?
Here’s an example: imagine writing yourself this letter.
Dear mom of kid lying on grocery floor,
I am here to witness your struggle and tell you that you are killing it. You are getting food for yourself and your kid so you can all thrive. You are a loving mom who wants what’s best for your kid. Your are doing a bang up job right now. See if you can interpret the eyes looking at you as saying “wow that woman is brave and inspiring.” Your kids’ reaction in this moment has nothing to do with your worth, your love or your effort. Keep up the good work!
This reframe challenges our assumptions that as moms we are always missing something or failing. This “blame the kids’ behavior on the mom” has been passed down through generations. Despite research disputing this claim, many of us still walk around with the weight of this blame. We also blame other moms. When we see a kid throw sand on another we think, “wonder who they learned that from?”
Blame is a sneaky behavior. You throw it at someone and it’s going to find it’s way back to you at some point. What’s the antidote? Self-compassion.
We must love ourselves and be proud of ourselves, even (and most importantly) when stuff is hitting the fan. This is when we need to bring out all the love, hugs and compassion we have in us and say, “you are killing it!”
This reframe will help you love yourself which is the key to being a loving parent- starting with yourself.